AUTHOR: LES GIBLIN
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Les Giblin was 1965 National Salesman of the Year. He has conducted more than 1,000 “ Skill With People” seminars for hundreds of companies and associations, including Mobil, General Electric, Johnson & Johnson, Caterpillar, Blyth Eastman, Retail Jewelers of America, PGA, National Association of Insurance Agents, plus hundreds of sales and marketing clubs. He has authored three best selling handbooks. Les Giblin’s track record and his thousands of enthusiastic seminar participants and readers attest to his effectiveness as a top teacher of skill with people. Continuing with basic & essential people skills and expand into areas that can be assets in business. “The Art of Dealing with People” book will add a whole new dimension to your life and work. Achieve your goals; handle the human ego; become a master conversationalist; make others feel good about themselves; and much more.
BOOK SUMMARY:
Skill with people is the most rewarding of all human talents Your skill with people determines the quality of your business life, your family life and your social life
1. Understanding People and Human Nature
The first step in increasing your skill in dealing with people (successful human relations) is to properly understand people and their nature. When you have a proper understanding of human nature and people –when you know why people do the things that they do –when you know why and how people will react under certain conditions. Then and only then you become a skillful manager of people.
People are primarily interested in themselves, not in you. Putting this same thought another way: The other person is ten thousand times more interested in himself than they are in you. So actually it is a key of life for you to realize that people are primarily interested in themselves and not in you.
2.How to skillfully talk to people:
When you are talking to people, pick out the most interesting object in the world to them to talk about. What is the most interesting subject in the world to them?- THEMSELVES! When you talk to them about themselves they will be deeply interested and utterly fascinated. They will think well of you for doing this. When you talk to the people about themselves, you are rubbing them the right way; you are working with human nature.
Take these four words out of your vocabulary: “I”, “me”, “my”, and “mine”. Substitute for those four words, one word , the most powerful word spoken by the human tongue: “you”.
If you will let/get people talking about themselves, they will like you very much. Most of us are not effective on others because we keep busy thinking and talking about ourselves. The thing to remember is that it is not important how you like your remarks and subject; it is important how your listeners like them.
So, when talking to others, talk about them and let them talking about themselves. That is how you can become a most interesting conversationalist.
3. HOW TO SKILLFULLY MAKE PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT:
The most universal trait of mankind- a trait you and everybody else have- a trait so strong that it makes men do the things that they do, both good and bad- is the desire to be important , the desire to be recognized. So- to be skillful in human relations, be sure to make people feel important.
Remember always that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.
Nobody wants to be treated as a nobody and when they are ignored or talked down to, they are being treated as just that. Keep in mind that to the other person, they are just important to their self as you are to yourself. Some tips on how to recognize people and make them feel important:
-Listen to them.
-Applaud and compliment them.
– Use their names and pictures as often as possible.
-Pause before you answer them.
-Use their words “you” and “your”.
-Acknowledge people who are waiting to see you.
-Pay attention to everybody in a group.
4.HOW TO SKILLFULLY AGREE WITH PEOPLE:
Truly, this is one of the gems of wisdom of our time. Probably nothing will help you so much in your lifetime as this easy –to-do technique of being agreeable. As long as you live, never forget that any fool can disagree with people. It takes a wise person, a shrewd person, a big person to agree: particularly when the other person is wrong. The art of being agreeable has six parts:
- Learn to be agreeable, to agree with people.
- Tell people when you agree with them.
- Do not tell people when you disagree with them, unless it is absolutely necessary.
- Admit it when you are wrong.
- Refrain from arguing.
- Handle fighters properly.
The reasons behind the Art of being agreeable: People like those who agree with them. People dislike those who disagree with them. People don’t like being disagreed with.
5. HOW TO SKILLFULLY LISTEN TO PEOPLE:
The more listening you do , the smarter you will become, the better you will be liked, and the better conversationalist you will be. A good listener always winds up far ahead of a good talker in the affections of people. However, being a good listener is not an accident. Here are the five rules which make a good listener:
- Look at the person who is talking.
- Lean towards the speaker and listen intently.
- Ask questions.
- Stick to speaker’s subject and don’t interrupt.
- Use the speaker’s words “you” and “your”.
You will note that these five rules are nothing more than courtesy. Never will courtesy pay off for you so much as it will in listening.
6. HOW TO SKILLFULLY INFLUENCE PEOPLE:
The first big step in getting people to do what you want them to do is to find out what will make them do it ( what they want). All of us are different- we like different things- we place different values on different things. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that other people like what you like or are after what you are after. Find out what they are after, what they like. Then you can move them by telling them what they want to hear. You simply show them how they can get what they want by doing what you want them to do. This is the big secret of influencing people.
The method of finding out what people want is by asking, watching and listening to them. Plus the effort on your part to find out.
7. HOW TO SKILLFULLY CONVINCE PEOPLE:
It is human nature for people to be skeptical of you and of what you say when you are saying things that are to your own advantage. You can eliminate much of this skepticism when you make self-serving statements (statements that are to your own interest) by going at it in a different way. That better way is for you not to make the statement directly but to quoted somebody.
It is an odd thing but people won’t have the slightest doubt that what you tell them indirectly is true. Yet they will be highly skeptical if you say it yourself. So : speak through third persons! Quote people- relate success stories- cite facts and statistics.
8. HOW TO SKILLFULLY MAKE UP PEOPLE’S MINDS:
There is more involved in getting people to say “ yes” than luck, guesswork, or their whim. The skilled in human relations have several techniques and methods which greatly increase the chances of people saying “yes” simply means getting them to do what you want them to do. Here are four good methods:
- Give people reasons to say “yes” to you.
- Ask “yes” questions.
- Give people a choice between two yes.
- Expect people to say “yes” to you and let them know they are expected to say “yes”.
9. HOW TO SKILLFULLY SET PEOPLES MOODS:
You can make 9 out of 10 people like you immediately. You can make 9 out of 10 people courteous, cooperative and friendly in 1 second. (With the same magic). Here’s how:
- By remembering that the first few seconds of any relationship usually sets the tope and spirit of it.
- By utilizing the 2nd basic laws of human behavior- people strongly tend to respond in kind to the behavior of other people.
So , in the first second- that instant when you first establish eye contact –before you say anything- before you break silence- give people your sincere smile. What will happen? They will respond in kind. They will return your smile and be pleasant. In every human relations act- dealing between two persons- there is an atmosphere, a mood, a stage set. The skill here is for you to set the atmosphere, the mood, the stage. The key lies in the timing- the smile should come before you break silence. This sets the stage in a warm, friendly mood. Don’t forget to start your smile the same way the professional entertainers and models do .By saying this one word yourself. “Cheese” –It works!
10. HOW TO SKILLFULLY PRAISE PEOPLE:
Say the kind of things that people want to hear. They will love you for saying kind things and you will feel good for having said them. Be generous with your praise- look for somebody and something to praise and then do it. But, praise must be sincere. If it isn’t sincere, don’t give it. Praise the act, not the person. Praising the act avoids embarrassment and confusion, it has a much more sincere ring to it, it avoids charges of favoritism, and it creates an incentive for more of the same act. Make the praise specific- pinpoint it.
Happiness Formula: Get into the habit of saying one kind thing to at least three different people each and every day. Then see how you feel for having done so! This is a happiness formula for You! When you see the happiness and gratitude and pleasure you bring others by doing this You will feel good. There is more joy in giving than in receiving. Try it.
11. HOW TO SKILLFULLY CRITIQUE PEOPLE:
The key to successful critiques lies in the spirit of the critiques. If you critique mostly to “tell the other person off” or to “ give them a piece of your mind” or to “ give them their comeuppance” then you will get nothing from the critique other than the satisfaction of venting your spleen and the other person’s resentment, for one enjoys being critiqued. However , if you are interested in corrective action , in results , you can accomplish much with your critique if you go at it in the right way. Here are some rules which will help you do just that. The 7 Musts for successful criticism:
- Criticism should be made in absolute privacy.
- Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment.
- Make the criticism impersonal- criticise the act, not the person.
- Supply the answer.
- Ask for cooperation- don’t demand it.
- One criticism to an offense
- Finish the criticism on a friendly note.
12. HOW TO SKILLFULLY THANK PEOPLE:
It is not enough for you to feel grateful and appreciative to people. You should show that gratitude and appreciation to the parties that deserve it. If you are grateful to the people and if you let those people know you are grateful, almost always they will give you more the next time. If you don’t show your gratitude (even if you are grateful) chances are that there won’t be a next time or that there won’t be a next time or that you will wind up with less. However, there is quite an art to saying : “ Thank You”. When you say “ Thank You” –mean it. Be sincere when you thank people. People will know when you are genuinely appreciative. They also know when you are not sincere.
Say it clearly and distinctly. When thanking people don’t mumble, whisper or slur the words. Say thanks as if you are glad you are saying it. Look at the people thank you. It means so much more when you look at the people you thank. Anybody worth thanking is worth looking at. Thank people by name. Personalize your thanks by names. People love to hear their names. It makes a lot of difference to say “Thank You.” Work at thanking people. This means to watch for chances to show your appreciation. This will be a great asset to you all through your life.
13. HOW TO SKILLFULLY MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION:
To a great extent we control other’s opinions of us. We start off as strangers to everyone and their opinion of us is largely determined by the way we conduct ourselves .If you want people : to think well o you, to look up to you, to look upon you with admiration and respect, you must give them reason to deserve that rating. This is primarily done by the value you put on yourself.
Be proud of yourself (but not conceited), of who you are, of what you do, of where you work. Don’t apologize for your station in life or for yourself. You are what you are- so handle yourself with pride and respect.
It is also essential to:
-Be sincere.
-Show enthusiasm.
-Don’t be overanxious.
-Don’t try to build yourself up by running other people down.
-Don’t knock anybody or anything.
14. HOW TO SKILLFULLY MAKE A TALK:
Here are five rules which, if you observe them, will make you an interesting speaker. They make the difference between interesting talkers and uninteresting ones.
-Know what you want to say.
-Say it and sit down.
-Look at the audience while you talk.
-Talk about what the audience is interested in.
-Don’t try to make a speech.
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS FOR YOU:
Life does not pay off for you on what you can do. Life pays off for you on what you do. This knowledge is your key to a better life, more friends, more success, more happiness. Put this knowledge into practice every time you interact with another human being, (and in fact probably most other beings as well!) . Practice take effort, but practice makes perfect. Put this knowledge to work for you and your family now.
Knowledge itself is of no value. It is the use of knowledge that makes it valuable. Putting this thought another way- life does pay off for you on what you can do. Life pays off for you on what you do.
If you are not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollar in the Bank and no cheque book. The most universal trait of mankind, a trait so strong that it makes people do the things that they do, good and bad- is the desire to be important, the desire to be recognized.
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